guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
