This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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