Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
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It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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