sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
