True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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