where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
