yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
