But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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