My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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