Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
