I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
