You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The beer is more important than you right now.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
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Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
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You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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