I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
