I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
