The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
