Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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