Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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