i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
