My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i drank out of a bidet.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
