First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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