Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
