goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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