I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
