There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
