im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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