You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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