i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
