White coat. Heels.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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