Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
