I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh god it's open bar.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
