i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
