I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
