3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
