found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
