careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
