Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
