So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
