I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
