I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
