so that wasnt chicken after all
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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