oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
