Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
