i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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