So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
