You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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