I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
