Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
