I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
