On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
