the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
