Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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