its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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