Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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