Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
only if we run a train.
done.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
