I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hippo gnu deer
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
