This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
