I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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