so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
