hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
