WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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