sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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