He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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