I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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