I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
