areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
