I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
