tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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