"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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