the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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