New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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