I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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