ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize